Supporting Someone Who Is Struggling with Trauma

Trauma doesn’t always announce itself with visible scars. It often lingers beneath the surface, subtly shaping a person’s thoughts, behaviors, and ability to engage with the world. You may have someone in your workplace, a close friend, or a family member who seems stuck—unable to reach their full potential, struggling with emotions they can’t seem to process, or even lashing out at others. These could be signs that they are dealing with the aftereffects of trauma.

Understanding the signs of trauma and knowing how to offer support can make a significant difference in their healing journey. You don’t have to be a therapist to help—sometimes, just being a compassionate and aware presence in their life can be the first step toward transformation.

Recognizing the Signs of Trauma in Others

People respond to trauma in different ways. Some may withdraw, while others may become more aggressive or reactive. Here are some common signs that someone might be struggling:

1. They Seem Stuck or Unmotivated

  • They have great potential but struggle to move forward.
  • They procrastinate or avoid taking initiative.
  • They seem overwhelmed by decisions or responsibilities that they once handled easily.

2. They Struggle with Emotional Regulation

  • They overreact to small inconveniences or perceived slights.
  • They have a hard time managing stress and seem to be on edge.
  • They may be unusually sensitive to criticism.

3. They Exhibit Negative Self-Talk or Low Self-Worth

  • They frequently put themselves down or express feelings of inadequacy.
  • They don’t believe they deserve success or happiness.
  • They might refuse opportunities because they feel they will fail.

4. They Engage in Self-Sabotaging Behaviors

  • They make choices that harm their career, relationships, or well-being.
  • They may turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms such as excessive drinking, overworking, or isolating themselves.

5. They Exhibit Trust Issues or Difficulty in Relationships

  • They push people away, even those who want to help.
  • They are suspicious of others’ intentions.
  • They struggle with teamwork or collaboration, fearing rejection or betrayal.

6. They React Strongly to Certain Situations

  • Certain topics, environments, or situations trigger an intense emotional response.
  • They may seem anxious, defensive, or shut down completely when a particular subject is brought up.

How You Can Help Someone Struggling with Trauma

If you notice these signs in someone, the most important thing you can do is to create a safe and supportive environment for them. Here’s how you can offer meaningful help:

1. Lead with Compassion, Not Judgment

  • Instead of assuming they are lazy, difficult, or unmotivated, recognize that they may be dealing with something deeper.
  • Approach them with empathy and understanding.

Example: Instead of saying, “Why can’t you just get it together?” say, “I’ve noticed you’ve been struggling lately. If you ever want to talk, I’m here.”

2. Be a Safe and Trusted Person

  • Let them know they are not alone.
  • If they open up, listen without trying to fix them.
  • Maintain confidentiality to build trust.

Example: “I can see you’re going through something difficult. I won’t pry, but if you ever want to talk, I’m here.”

3. Encourage Professional Support

  • If they seem open to it, suggest speaking to a therapist, coach, or someone trained to help process trauma.
  • If they hesitate, gently share stories of how therapy or coaching has helped others.

Example: “I know someone who worked with a coach and found it really helpful to get unstuck. If you ever want a recommendation, I’d be happy to help.”

4. Offer Practical Support

  • If they seem overwhelmed, help break things into smaller steps.
  • Support them in setting small, achievable goals.
  • Encourage healthy habits such as exercise, mindfulness, or journaling.

Example: “I know this project feels overwhelming. How about we break it down into smaller tasks and tackle one thing at a time?”

5. Set Healthy Boundaries

  • While offering support is important, it’s also crucial to protect your own emotional well-being.
  • If they lash out or behave inappropriately, don’t tolerate harmful behavior, but address it with kindness.

Example: “I care about you, and I can see you’re upset, but I can’t allow disrespectful language in this conversation.”

6. Help Them Reframe Their Story

  • People stuck in trauma often see themselves as victims of their past.
  • Encourage them to recognize their strength and resilience.

Example: “I know you’ve been through a lot, but the fact that you’re still here and trying says so much about your strength.”

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The Ripple Effect of Your Support

You may not be able to “fix” someone’s trauma, but by being a supportive and understanding presence, you can help them take the first step toward healing. People who feel seen and supported are more likely to seek help and make changes in their lives.

Trauma doesn’t have to define someone’s future. With the right support, they can rewrite their story—transforming their pain into power, their struggles into strength, and their past into a stepping stone for a brighter future.

And sometimes, all it takes is one person who sees them, believes in them, and reminds them that they are capable of more than they think.

Will you be that person for someone today?